I have moved my blog

Hi All,

I have moved my blog to http://www.creatingavisiblelife.com/.  Please check it out!!

Kathi

A New Year....A New Me?

So after weeks of ignoring my blog, I am happily back to unload more of my emotional baggage.

I always look forward to the new year and a chance to start again.  This year however, has felt a little different.  Christmas kind of came and went with no real celebration of anything.  Casey was in Virginia with his dad, Jacob was working and Zach, Emma and Trinity were in Wisconsin.  I was stuck at home with the duty phone from work.  Jacob and his friends from work came over around midnight on Christmas Eve and that was about the extent of the celebration.  I was sorry later that I never even put up the tree...that might have helped make it feel a little more like Christmas.

New Year's Eve was more of the same except that I went to a Buddhist Karma Purification ceremony down on the beach and I really did enjoy that but I was home by 9:00pm to sit and wait for Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest by myself.  Casey came home late the night of Jan.1 and we were kind of back to normal.

January did present a surprise trip to Colorado.  Jacob decided he was moving to Colorado  live to with Zach, Emma and Trinity and go back to school.  While this was the best news I had gotten in a while, I was really nervous about him making that road trip by himself.  At the last minute, I decided that Casey and I were going with him.....besides helping Jacob drive and keeping him company while he drove, it was also an excuse to see Zach and Emma and most especially my granddaughter.  Any excuse is a good excuse.

Well...the drive was long..about 30 hours and quite the adventure which I will not go into (Jacob, you know what I am talking about).  It was all worth it though.  The three brothers had not been together for a couple of years and we all had a great time together in Zach and Emma's apartment with no furniture or household goods because their stuff was still en-route from Hawaii.  The stuff got there the third day but it didn't matter.  We played board games and laughed at Trinity and just enjoyed each others' company.  It was really a great time.

Since I came home, things have just felt off kilter.  Unfortunately, I also got a terrible infection in my left sinus that required the help of an oral surgeon and lots of antibiotics to get rid of it.  All is better now, but still...just not right.

I watched an Oprah episode this past week where she and Goldie Hawn discussed being happy.  They even had a quiz to decide if you are happy or not.  Boy, this really got me thinking.  Am I happy?  I laugh alot...does that mean I'm happy?  I love my family...does that mean I am happy?  I have activities that I love doing....does that mean I am happy?  I don't know...it doesn't really feel like it right now.  What do you all think?  Are you happy?

I really do think I am happy.  I just think there a lot of circumstances right now that may be trying to cover up my innate sense of happiness.  Some of them are mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome, hormones, the New York Mets disappointing seasons the last few years, the Washington Capitals disappointing last few months (with the exception of the Winter Classic game), and sometimes just everyday life.  I have also realized that I am a worrier.  I don't think I have always been...but maybe I have.  I have found that lately I just worry about everything.  Big...small...it doesn't really matter.  I've got to figure a way out of this. Thank goodness I live where it is warm because I think snow and freezing temps might put me over the edge.

Ok...so my New Year's resolution is to find a way out of this funk.  Any suggestions?

I will try and make the next post a little more upbeat and add some pretty pics.  One day last week, there were rainbows on the way to work.  That made me smile.  Maybe that was a starting point.

Til next time...
Kathi

Wow....a week's worth of catch up time

Ok....this last week got away from me completely.  It was full of high school band concerts, high school football games, horse races, working from Saturday night 11:00pm - Sunday morning 6:15am, clothes shopping for Casey (to help him "get a girlfriend"), hockey game, and finally.....Zach, Emma and Trinity coming back to live on the mainland from Hawaii.....I can't wait.

Notice there is no mention of Christmas shopping or candle/soap making.  Is Christmas really next week?...Yikes.  I will put on my Scarlett O'Hara hat and say "I will think about that tomorrow".....wait...I am running out of tomorrows.

Is everyone else ready?  Casey leaves on Saturday to go to his dad's for two weeks.  If I don't put up the tree with him tomorrow night....it may just not go up.  I know, I know, it needs to go up.  I will eventually get it put up.  Christmas is kind of scattered for us.  Jacob may be over in the wee hours of VERY early Christmas morning or not...I won't have Christmas with Casey until Jan. 1 when he comes back.  Zach, Emma and Trinity will kind of be all over the place until after the first week of January so I won't send their stuff til they move into their new apt.  Just crazy this year.

Things are feeling a little out of control right now.  I need to stop and remember to breathe (and of course I always need more sleep).  Do you all forget to breathe sometimes too?  If I stop and observe my own body periodically, I find my shoulders are pulled up to my ears and I am holding my breath.  At least I notice that now and can then release my shoulders and take a couple of deep breaths.   I thank yoga for that learned awareness.  Another funny thing I noticed through yoga is that my right leg is completely rotated inward.  Weird I never noticed that before.  I knew I had to wear corrective shoes when I was young but no one has ever mentioned that I had that little defect - or my own special uniqueness.

Hopefully, work should be a little less hectic the next two weeks (fingers crossed) and I can pull myself back together and get some things accomplished.  Make sure all of you take some "me" time during the holidays.  Whether it's a hot bath, a little meditation, quiet time with friends, watching the snow fall or whatever makes you happy...just take the time and do it.

Here is my store of pictures from the last week:

This is Casey's riding home outfit after his band concert.  Don't you love the basketball shorts and reeboks with the tux jacket, tux shirt, cummerbund, black socks and bow tie?  At least the shorts are formal black.  Cuts quite the figure, doesn't he?

Next are the pretty winning horses at the races.  Much to Jacob's chagrin, I cashed a winning $2 show ticket on all eight races we were there for.  I think my new occupation should be "horse race whisperer".  These are a couple of my winners coming into the winners circle.  Each one of them looked me in the eye in the paddock and told me they would win for me.  Thank goodness I was listening.  :-)

Last but not least, here is my view from the hockey game last night.  I have never sat so close at hockey.  Thanks to my very sweet friend Kellie for sharing her tickets with us (even if she is a Marlins fan).

And for all you frozen northerners....here is a south Floridian at Hockey dressed like Nanook of the North.  Way too funny (although it was really cold in there).

I will try and catch up on my Reverb10 prompts tomorrow and Saturday. 

Til then.....Kathi

Reverb10 Daily prompts #7 & #8

Here are my blogging prompts from www.reverb10.com for yesterday and today:

Prompt #7 - Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Author: Cali Harris)

This year I have discovered a wonderful community of special women through www.meetup.com .  This is a website that allows you to search for meetings, classes, etc that match your interests and the area you live in.  I am so happy to have my new circle of girlfriends.  They really mean a lot to me.  If you are feeling lonely, or isolated or interested in learning something new....check out this website.

Beautifully Different. Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful. (Author: Karen Walrond)

This is an incredibly tough topic.  Maybe because this is what I am searching to find out.  The things that I could easily name that make me different are not necessarily things that I like about myself...but let me give this a shot.

- I have always been pretty brave...not afraid to go out and meet new challenges.
- I can laugh hysterically at the drop of a hat.
- When I love something, I am crazy passionate about it (like the NY Mets)
- I love to explore topics off the beaten path (right now...I am all about meta-physics)

How would you guys answer this about yourself....not so easy right??

Catching up on Reverb 10 manifestations

Time to play a little catch up.  Since I did not write at all this weekend....I will write about assignments 4, 5, and 6.

#4 - Wonder. How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year? (Author: Jeffrey Davis)

 You know....one of the reasons I started this blog is because I think I lost my sense of wonder this year.  I forgot to "stop and smell the roses" or maybe I didn't forget, it just wasn't a priority.  Obviously, I will need to work on this for 2011.  Living near the ocean should make this easy as just standing on the shore watching the power of the water gives you a sense of wonder of where did the water come from...where is it going....what is it doing?

#5 - Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

This is a biggie for me this year.  I have let go of my fear of exposure and failure.  That's been huge and freeing.  I love these quotes from Anais Nin and Marianne Williamson.....I think they sum up the past couple of months for me.

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
Anais Nin

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

          Marianne Williamson

#6 - Make. What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it? (Author: Gretchen Rubin)  

I used my new sewing machine to make the pillows I showed in a previous post.  I am trying to get busy with making some incense, candles and soap.  I have everything I need...but again with the procrastination of taking the first step.  What if it doesn't work?  What if they smell terrible?  What if...what if...what if....

I have promised myself that tomorrow night I will make the final decision on the scent(s) that I will use and get started with the incense first.  I will let you know how that goes.... 

Manifesting Day 3

Here is my writing assignment for Day 3 from Reverb 10.

Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

This was kind of an easy one for me.  The happiest 2 1/2 weeks of 2010 for me were at the end of June when I was so lucky to have my year old granddaughter, Trinity, here in South Florida with me.  Her parents were on a trip to Ecuador and Grandma got Trinity all to herself!  Of course, I did have to share her with her Uncle Jacob and Uncle Casey.

During this time my life was filled with the softness of a baby girl's hair....the wonderful smell of a baby getting out of the bath....her little voice babbling nonsense....lots of pink clothes and big blue eyes....and so much laughter.

At the pool....can you believe those eyes??

Uncle Casey thought we should start her tennis career as soon as possible
 

This was taken when we stopped on the way back to the Atlanta airport where we were meeting up with her parents.  She wasn't too sure about the toy alligators on the floor.  She also wasn't very happy that Grandma had put her shoes on the wrong feet...oops.

 Uncle Casey got his first exposure to handling small children.  He got to babysit during the day while I was at work.  He did a great job and taught her lots of good things because he didn't want to have to do them for her.  She learned to feed herself with her spoon and to be able to drink out of her sippy cup by herself.

Uncle Casey and Trinity watching TV

 We also had a great time when Uncle Jacob came to visit.  He was lucky enough to be in Hawaii when she was born but hadn't seen her since then. 

Uncle Jacob and Trinity reading Brown Bear, Brown Bear

On the way back to Atlanta, we decided to make a pit stop at the Atlanta Braves vs. Washington Nationals baseball game.  Jacob, Casey and I are fanatical baseball fans (of the NY Mets) and decided we wanted to take Trinity to her first baseball game.  I can still hear her squealing when the crowd was cheering and trying to do the "Tomahawk Chop" with the Braves fans.  I remember the smell of the french fries we fed her and all the baseball sounds and smells of the stadium.  I'm so glad we got to share that with her.  While she won't really remember it, we will never forget it.

Life as a grandma....the best ever.

Reverb 10 - day 2

The writing assignment for day 2 - Writing. What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it? (Author: Leo Babauta)


Definitely watching way too much TV. Can I eliminate it? Ummmmm....well.....cold turkey?? Probably not. Could I work on eliminating some of the crap that I watch? Maybe. Could I at least do something productive while I have the TV on? Probably.

Anything that calls my tv watching habits into the conversation makes me uncomfortable. It is my Achilles heel. I know it....I know it....I know it. At least with a DVR now, I can watch things more quickly :-). That's better...right?

Ok. Another goal to add to my 2011 list. This one could be painful.

Kathi