So after weeks of ignoring my blog, I am happily back to unload more of my emotional baggage.
I always look forward to the new year and a chance to start again. This year however, has felt a little different. Christmas kind of came and went with no real celebration of anything. Casey was in Virginia with his dad, Jacob was working and Zach, Emma and Trinity were in Wisconsin. I was stuck at home with the duty phone from work. Jacob and his friends from work came over around midnight on Christmas Eve and that was about the extent of the celebration. I was sorry later that I never even put up the tree...that might have helped make it feel a little more like Christmas.
New Year's Eve was more of the same except that I went to a Buddhist Karma Purification ceremony down on the beach and I really did enjoy that but I was home by 9:00pm to sit and wait for Dick Clark and Ryan Seacrest by myself. Casey came home late the night of Jan.1 and we were kind of back to normal.
January did present a surprise trip to Colorado. Jacob decided he was moving to Colorado live to with Zach, Emma and Trinity and go back to school. While this was the best news I had gotten in a while, I was really nervous about him making that road trip by himself. At the last minute, I decided that Casey and I were going with him.....besides helping Jacob drive and keeping him company while he drove, it was also an excuse to see Zach and Emma and most especially my granddaughter. Any excuse is a good excuse.
Well...the drive was long..about 30 hours and quite the adventure which I will not go into (Jacob, you know what I am talking about). It was all worth it though. The three brothers had not been together for a couple of years and we all had a great time together in Zach and Emma's apartment with no furniture or household goods because their stuff was still en-route from Hawaii. The stuff got there the third day but it didn't matter. We played board games and laughed at Trinity and just enjoyed each others' company. It was really a great time.
Since I came home, things have just felt off kilter. Unfortunately, I also got a terrible infection in my left sinus that required the help of an oral surgeon and lots of antibiotics to get rid of it. All is better now, but still...just not right.
I watched an Oprah episode this past week where she and Goldie Hawn discussed being happy. They even had a quiz to decide if you are happy or not. Boy, this really got me thinking. Am I happy? I laugh alot...does that mean I'm happy? I love my family...does that mean I am happy? I have activities that I love doing....does that mean I am happy? I don't know...it doesn't really feel like it right now. What do you all think? Are you happy?
I really do think I am happy. I just think there a lot of circumstances right now that may be trying to cover up my innate sense of happiness. Some of them are mid-life crisis, empty nest syndrome, hormones, the New York Mets disappointing seasons the last few years, the Washington Capitals disappointing last few months (with the exception of the Winter Classic game), and sometimes just everyday life. I have also realized that I am a worrier. I don't think I have always been...but maybe I have. I have found that lately I just worry about everything. Big...small...it doesn't really matter. I've got to figure a way out of this. Thank goodness I live where it is warm because I think snow and freezing temps might put me over the edge.
Ok...so my New Year's resolution is to find a way out of this funk. Any suggestions?
I will try and make the next post a little more upbeat and add some pretty pics. One day last week, there were rainbows on the way to work. That made me smile. Maybe that was a starting point.
Til next time...